Burn.

I'm not about to make up a lie and say that I haven't enjoyed myself for the past few days, because I have. Seriously, spending time with my closest friends is sometimes one of the few things that I live for. I like being able to let myself go and just enjoy myself.

But now that I'm back at home, everything's wrong again. Everything. My family don't seem to understand me; I'm just the weirdo, the freak that they have to live with. Sometimes I wonder if they wake up, see me and are disappointed because they thought all the things that are wrong with me - my mental health, my infatuation with alcohol, my "wrong choice" of sexuality, my lack of religion, even my fucking hair colour - were just part of some horrible nightmare that would haunt them for a little while...instead, they see me and realise that, actually, I am everything that they don't want.

I think about it a lot y'know? Death, I mean. I look in the mirror and think about cutting myself out of the world, like you might do with an old picture. One where you're stood with a former friend and at the time you both looked so happy, but now you look at it and see the evil in their eyes because they fucked you over, and all you feel when you look at the image is contempt. I look at myself, like the rest of the world does, and I'm so disgusted that I feel physically ill. I'm a freak - a goddamn fucking freak.

Sometimes I wish for peace, so that I can feel content with myself.

At other times, I wish I was more selfish so I could down all the pills and just disappear.

But 99% of the time...I just wish I was in her arms because when I'm with her, I feel like I belong somewhere.

I love my baby. If it wasn't for her...fuck, who knows what I would have become.

I know you're gonna read this sweetheart. I love you <3