Somebody New.

I decided to make myself a new blog. Tumblr lost it's shine after I realised just how open it was. The only decent thing that you could do on it was change the layout and make it look pretty. And look at Nick Wiggin's photography, which is a pretty big plus, I guess. Maybe someone should pester him to make a blogger instead...hmmm...

Lots of things have changed very rapidly for me over the last three months. I've had to grow up for one; I'm not sure whether or not I like it yet. I don't think I've changed as a person, but sometimes I feel like I'm embolishing certain parts of my personality so that the new people in my life don't hate me. So far it's worked, but I'm not sure whether or not it's going to be good for me in the long run. I guess it's not like I'm lying - I am being genuine in, sort of. I'm just...making the better parts of my personality much more noticeable. This has made new friendships a little awkward at times, but I'm going to deal with it.

My girlfriend and I also split up. We're still really good friends though, and that makes me happy. I don't know what I would do without her in my life, I really don't. Sometimes it's difficult, when we're alone together, because I know that we both still love each other, but, at the same time, I think we know that our decision is going to be for the best in the longrun. We were only going to ruin a beautiful friendship, running each other into the ground with constant arguments about nothing. So, personally, I have no regrets about that decision. The only issue I have is what happens when we decide that we want to move on and be with other people...? Well, if she said that to me, I'd be fine about it. I'd rather that she was happy than stuck in a rut wondering what the hell I'm going to say. But, I mean...what if I want someone new in the future? :/ How the hell am I supposed to tell her that? She told me that she'd push me away, thinking it'd let me be happy....but it really wouldn't. Whether she likes the idea or not, she is very, very dear to me and I want to avoid hurting her at all costs....but I would be more than hurt - I'd be devastated - if she pushed me away because I liked someone else. As I told her many times before, love isn't always something you choose. You just end up liking someone and that's how it works. I ended up loving her, though neither of us found it easy, all the secrets and all the lies...

I'm not sure how many secrets I can keep from her. I don't want new conquests to be that, but if that's how it's gotta be, then that's how it's gotta be.

In nicer news, I'm going to visit my very good friend, Adele, tomorrow and I will be staying with her in Sunderland for a weekend. I am sosososososo excited. I haven't seen her since September, when we went to the acoustic show that Will Francis did in Manchester, so I'm really looking forward to that! I've got her a really awesome Christmas present, and she's got one for me too! I can't wait to find out what it is! YAYAYAY!